Just do the thing anyway

Why you should just do things by yourself.

Last weekend I went to a wedding on my own (I was kindly offered a plus one, but since this isn’t really a thing in the UK I couldn’t quite think who to invite). I also didn’t know anyone at the wedding, of a dear friend who lives in LA. However, I had a great time, a better time than I’ve had at some weddings where I knew a lot of people and all of the ones I went to which were of my ex’s friends, where he was horrible to me. I also wasn’t drinking. So you see, it is possible to go to a social event alone, knowing no one, and not drinking, and still have a good time.

I’ve posted quite a lot about how I started doing things by myself over the past few years. Even when I wasn’t single, I would often travel or go to events alone because my ex wouldn’t come with me, or because I was away for work. Having been single now for almost two years, with more freedom to travel than most and not always able to find a companion for things, I’ve come to actually appreciate the joys of solo activities. It’s not that I don’t like doing things with people – I do (though it depends on the people) – but more that I enjoy them in a different way if alone. I am more present, more in the moment. I talk to strangers more. I take in my surroundings and appreciate the activity more.

Here’s how to do a selection of things alone.

The cinema

I would argue the cinema is actually better alone. You shouldn’t be talking anyway and there’s no one to steal your snacks or have their Apple watch lighting up every five seconds (grrr). Plus you can just leave if it’s awful, like the last Batman film (three hours of my life I’m never getting back).

The theatre

I have only recently started doing this alone but same applies, plus it’s easier to get single tickets to popular shows.

Concerts and gigs

Same; what I do with these is go quite late, maybe skip the support acts if I don’t know them, as there can be a lot of hanging about before the main act and I imagine that would not be so fun alone. Gigs are one thing I have found that I don’t love doing alone. A sit-down concert with a set start time, eg classical music, is fine.

It was windy

Holidays/Travel

I genuinely love a solo trip of up to about four days, and will not feel any need for company during this time. It’s enough to have random chats in passing and say hello to people. Things like spas, hiking, museums, and other tourist activities are great alone, and if you really get stuck you can book a day tour somewhere and chat to people that way.

Meals out

Eating alone is a genuine pleasure for me, and I find if it’s a nice place the staff usually take great care of you (too great in the case of L’enclume which I recently got a last-minute booking to, I didn’t need QUITE that much wine but it was lovely and amazing). I bring my Kindle and usually write in my notebook, so there is a high chance they may think I’m a restaurant reviewer.

Classes, workshops, and random events (eg talks, networking)

Arguably also easier to go to by yourself, and I include dating events and singles mixers in this. If you’re with a friend you will only chat to them and feel more inhibited, perhaps, as they will know you in a certain way. If I feel intimidated, I make myself go up to a certain number of people and say hello. You can even open with ‘I don’t know anyone here, do you mind if I talk to you?’ I also give myself permission to leave anytime I want (another perk of being alone!) Classes and workshops are a great way to meet people in general. Dance classes in particular as you are forced to interact!

Occasionally I have had people not talk to me at networking events, look over my shoulder or appear annoyed at me being in their vision, but I didn’t stay long at that event or have a good time. So your enjoyment partly does depend on how friendly people are and if they have basic manners or not….

A wonderful solo meal at L’enclume -the sommelier gave me a lift home as it was hard to find a cab!

How does any of this relate to creativity? I see it as part of trying new things, like I wrote about last time. Very often I will want to do something but can’t find anyone to do it with, or a friend will drop out at the last minute in that flaky London way. In that case I do things anyway, rather than miss out. And I do find that being alone, pushing myself, being more alive to the world, all really helps my writing. When I was in Norway last year for four days, I wrote loads, and read four books, and swam every day, in the fjord, in the harbour, in a lake, and went to a community sauna where I chatted with locals, and had three lovely meals, and went to a concert at Grieg’s house, and hiked, and took a cable car, sailed on the fjord, took the Flam railway, visited museums, shopped, ate pastries, looked at art, went to a spa, walked about the city….if this sounds like a lot, it’s because you also can cover a ton of ground by yourself! Travels with friends are different, and lovely in other ways, but don’t let lack of a companion stop you from having an amazing time. You can travel with your own mind and presence and who knows what creative ideas this will spark.

What things do you like doing alone, or have you not tried it yet? Let me know.

This week I’m working on…

I got the edits back for my next thriller, ONE OF YOU, about a hen do gone very wrong, so am fixing all the things I knew didn’t quite work in the first draft.

I had also been drafting the new one (maybe called THE PHONE RINGS? I feel that will get changed) but had to stop because, as I always forget, I can’t really do anything else while I’m editing. I had found a really nice flow the last month or so, so it was a shame to step out of creative brain into edit brain, but it has to be done.